Carl Rogers

This post is going to be based off of Carl Rogers. My Professor drew this picture on the board in class on Thursday, 9/28, and It really stuck out to me. So you can see what each of the parts of the picture stand for; sun-acceptance, nutrients- empathy, tree-personal growth, rain- congruence. 

If we imagine that the tree is our client, we (the coach) help provide everything else. I like this because it helps me to see what my purpose is as a coach. I am not supposed to be responsible for the growth and I am not supposed to give them the answers on how to find the solution that my client is searching for. I am there to be real with them, to listen to them, to accept them for who they are, no judgement, and I am to provide empathy. As I provide empathy the acceptance will shine onto the tree and when the congruence comes it will nourish the empathy so that my client can grow into the tree they want to be. 

divorce and blended families...

As we studied about the stages of divorce it made me think of my family situation. My parents aren't divorced but they are separated. But I know a lot of those who have been divorced. There are six stages of divorce: 1. emotional divorce 2. legal divorce 3. economic divorce 4. co-parental divorce 5. community divorce 6. psychic divorce
Through much research it is said that the children of divorced parents are more likely to divorce later themselves. This is a scary think to know. As I have been going on dates and meeting different guys so that I can find the one I am to marry this is what I am scared most of. Take things slow- don't rush. But divorce is the one thing I don't want in my life. Due to my parents separation it scares me. Women are less likely to remarry after a divorce.
When one does remarry after divorce they end up becoming a blended family. Blended families have benefits and have disadvantages. It all depends on how things go in that family. I am not apart of a blended family. neither of my parents have a desire to date other people at all. Roles change in a blended family. One thing that I believe is very important in any family, whether blended or non blended is communication. If the couple of a blended family don't communicate with how things work around the kids, their own life then it will not be good. The Lord is interested in making better people not just someone who fits well. Seek and pray for someone who will make you better; not just for a short time but for life.
I believe that even if you don't believe in God you can still use this when you seek for the person you are to be with for the rest of your life.

Parenting

Have you ever wondered what type of parent you are to your children? There are three styles of parenting. I will describe each
1. Authoritarian Parenting: the approach is to exercise maximum control and to expect unquestioning obedience. The parent child interaction is not the give-and-take of a developing relationship but the giving of orders by a superior to a subordinate. In case of infraction of the rules,discipline is likely to be both severe and physical.
2. Authoritative parenting: the approach is to put boundaries on acceptable behavior within a warm, accepting context. the parent child interaction is generally characterized by affection, a certain amount of give-and-take, but relatively clear expectations for the children's behavior.
3. Permissive Parenting: the approach is to minimize any control. Parent child interaction may consist of parental acceptance and approval of whatever the children decide to do.

which type of style do you parent your children in. Are you Authoritarian, Authoritative, or Permissive?

Something that i know is which ever style you parent, you can improve your style to best help your children.. According to studies the Authoritative parenting style is the best style as it is an active style. It is a style that helps children to see that you are the parent but you care about them. Parents show more affection in this style of parenting. You aren't overbearing and make all the decisions, you allow your children to make decisions with your input as well.
Parenting is a scary thing. To raise a child, to teach them, and to even love them is scary. But as i learned if we find our self leaning towards a certain parenting style we can change whatever we are doing to make our style better benefit our children.
The way we parent is a huge deal. It effects our child's whole life. It will effect they way they respond to those in leadership, as well as the way they will raise their own children.
Strive to parent your children in the way you would want to be parented. that doesn't necessarily mean the way your parents parented you but treat others the way you want to be treated.

Work?

What is work?
    Creating, contributing, connecting, complementing, cooperation....
I never thought of work in these words. but that is exactly what work is.
How do we implement work into our families. Well we do exactly what those words say. we create, contribute, connect, complement and cooperate. When it comes to a family as well, you work so you can provide. When we have not only ourselves but others that we need to provide for we need to master a thing called budgeting.
Budgeting allows us to do so many things. We may not be able to get everything we want in this world but budgeting allows us to have opportunities to make decisions together. it also makes us ask ourselves- What are our priorities? Budgeting is not just about money but time as well. To be in a healthy relationship, or family, we need to learn how to budget our time so that we are most efficient and effective.

Kaerlighed, Kommunikasionsmedier, Ska'vi Hygge os?

Were you able to understand the title of this post? I'll give you a hint.... Its danish! Actually i'll give you the meanings.
Kaerlighed= love, affection
Kommunikasionsmedier= Communication media
Ska'vi Hygge os= no english translation

Going back to Kommunikasionsmedier (communication media) there are so many different ways that we communicate to others. How do you communicate? do you communicate face to face, text, phone call, internet? There are so many different ways we can communicate but there are 3 forms of communication. 1. Words. 2. Tone. 3. Non-Verbal. In what way are you most comfortable communicating? Some communication is based on gender orientation. Communicating is simple! So why do we make it hard? We as humans dont understand the importance of communication. because we dont understand the importance of communication we dont know how to effectively communicate in the first place. I know i dont.

Something that i love about communication is that you can never not communicate-you can only miscommunicate

so many people say that there marriage was ruined because they didn't communicate. However that is not true. You are ALWAYS communicating- Non verbal- is what we forget. Even when we dont say something we are still communicating a vibe to someone. Communication is key to a successful marriage, understanding is the bigger key. As we strive to understand even more what the others mean and how we can help our family communication will become easier.

Crisis...

have you ever wondered what a family crisis really is? where did it come from? what caused it?


It doesn't matter what stage of life you are at, recently married, childbearing years, empty-nesters, and retirement, financial problems seem to always be a main source of the stressor event.

Why do bad things happen to good people? I believe that there is opposition in all things. the world isn't a fair place. we are tempted beyond belief; i believe though that most things come as a result of our choices. I do not believe that all medical issues come because of our choices. Some things- it is just a part of our plan that we have to endure. Free Agency is a binding agent. It allows us to choose who we become, what happens in our life. Challenges (crisis) also allow us to learn and grow.

Have you ever asked yourself:
      Am I grateful for the crisis' that come into my life?
      Do I look forward to the trials that are coming my way?

When i think of crisis' and trials i like to think of Jesus Christ. He suffered the ultimate pain, betrayal, agony and so much more than anyone who has, does, and will yet walk this earth, and yet he did it for you and me. for all of us. He allows us to become better through his example. He endured with love, patience and hope. We must do the same when we endure a crisis.

What is intimacy?

In our world today people relate the word intimacy to sex, sex, sex. But that's not what intimacy is all about. Intimacy means to be "into" the person. If you go out and just have one night stands, have sex with multiple people you aren't experiencing true intimacy. True intimacy is love, it is serving the person you are with.
In most peoples minds especially if you are not married talking about sex is uncomfortable. I agree. I would rather talk about it with my spouse and my spouse only. However there is something that we need to know about intimacy. Its not just all about the sex. Like I mentioned before its serving one another. Its showing the undenying love you have for your spouse.
There are four stages in the sexual response cycle. And during this cycle the male and the female experience it differently. I believe this is why we were created as male and female. The first stage is excitement- holding hands, kissing, cuddling can all trigger this excitement. The second is plateau- where arousal starts to form and prepares you for the third stage of orgasm- the orgasm is the highest point of the sexual response cycle. after the orgasm comes the resolution-in my mind i call it the call down the finish. One thing that is different between males and females is that it is so hard for women to recognize the sense of arousal, and it is possible for the women to not even experience an orgasm. the male may be completely finished and at the resolution stage and the woman could still be at the plateau. Because of this difference between male and females this can create a lot of insecurity in the sexual intimacy life of a couple. Women need to feel secure before anything, that the male is there with them through it all.
Allow the time with your spouse during your sexual intimate life to be an opportunity of love and service.