So I may not be married but i have seen many friends and family members get married. In fact my oldest nephew who is just 18 months younger than me just proposed and has set a date in just 2 1/2 months to get hitched to his high school sweetheart. But the question is, is getting married an easy adjustment? what is it like within the first month to first year? what do i need to look for in my own marriage?
As I have been learning there are so many things that we will have to adjust to just in the first month of marriage. Things that if you don't adjust to quickly can possibly put your marriage in a rut.
During the first month of marriage- you and your spouse must learn to adjust to- marital intamincy, making decisions together (etc. decor), sleeping in the same bed, finances, food, house temperature, household chores, schedule and what your priorities. All of these are going to be very new to you if you you have never lived with someone of the opposite sex. It is okay to get frazzled but make sure to discuss everything with your spouse. I want to focus primarily on the Priority aspect of this first month adjustment. Before we are married we may live with our family, or roommates at college, we are able to do our own thing, when and where we want to. We don't necessarily need to be thinking about what those around us our doing or what they have prioritized first. In a marriage your spouse should be your priority. They should be the one that you turn to with all you do. Your parents shouldn't be the ones you go and talk to with all your problems it should be your spouse.
During the first year of marriage there are some more adjustments we should be aware of- Traditions, holidays- who's parents are we going to for this christmas or are we just going to have our own? What about the 4th of July, Thanksgiving, etc? Yes you are still apart of your families family but you have just created a new family with your spouse. Find something that works for the both of you- make your own traditions and holidays. Medical issues that you may have known about but become more revelant once you are married and live with the person everyday. They are something that you need to pay close attention to and learn how you as a spouse can help. And extended family.
What happens when a child is born though? It has been studied that during the time of the first two children, couples are most likely to get divorced! Why is that? When we have a child the affection that would normally go to the husband from the wife turns to the baby. Alot of men could feel like they aren't needed or aren't as loved by the wife. I personally dont believe that we as women have a desire for this to happen. But the natural instinct of motherhood comes upon us and sometimes we forget about others feelings. Every time a child is born the relationship of mother and father normally diminishes a little more. When the child leaves the house and moves out the parents relationships increase more.
What can we do to prevent this in our own marriage? As I pondered what I have been learning, I definitely want to prevent this in my marriage. I want my husband to always feel involved in his child's life to never feel like he is not needed. How do we do this? We involve him in everything! allow him to learn, don't be a controlling mother. I am so grateful for my two sisters who have prevented this in their marriages and for their wonderful example. Love your spouse, and remember a marriage isn't just the way of one person it is the way of three- You, Your Spouse and The Lord.
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