New to Marriage? What to do?

So I may not be married but i have seen many friends and family members get married. In fact my oldest nephew who is just 18 months younger than me just proposed and has set a date in just 2 1/2 months to get hitched to his high school sweetheart. But the question is, is getting married an easy adjustment? what is it like within the first month to first year? what do i need to look for in my own marriage?

As I have been learning there are so many things that we will have to adjust to just in the first month of marriage. Things that if you don't adjust to quickly can possibly put your marriage in a rut.
During the first month of marriage- you and your spouse must learn to adjust to- marital intamincy, making decisions together (etc. decor), sleeping in the same bed, finances, food, house temperature, household chores, schedule and what your priorities. All of these are going to be very new to you if you you have never lived with someone of the opposite sex. It is okay to get frazzled but make sure to discuss everything with your spouse. I want to focus primarily on the Priority aspect of this first month adjustment. Before we are married we may live with our family, or roommates at college, we are able to do our own thing, when and where we want to. We don't necessarily need to be thinking about what those around us our doing or what they have prioritized first. In a marriage your spouse should be your priority. They should be the one that you turn to with all you do. Your parents shouldn't be the ones you go and talk to with all your problems it should be your spouse.

During the first year of marriage there are some more adjustments we should be aware of- Traditions, holidays- who's parents are we going to for this christmas or are we just going to have our own? What about the 4th of July, Thanksgiving, etc? Yes you are still apart of your families family but you have just created a new family with your spouse. Find something that works for the both of you- make your own traditions and holidays. Medical issues that you may have known about but become more revelant once you are married and live with the person everyday. They are something that you need to pay close attention to and learn how you as a spouse can help. And extended family.

What happens when a child is born though? It has been studied that during the time of the first two children, couples are most likely to get divorced! Why is that? When we have a child the affection that would normally go to the husband from the wife turns to the baby. Alot of men could feel like they aren't needed or aren't as loved by the wife. I personally dont believe that we as women have a desire for this to happen. But the natural instinct of motherhood comes upon us and sometimes we forget about others feelings. Every time a child is born the relationship of mother and father normally diminishes a little more. When the child leaves the house and moves out the parents relationships increase more.

What can we do to prevent this in our own marriage? As I pondered what I have been learning, I definitely want to prevent this in my marriage. I want my husband to always feel involved in his child's life to never feel like he is not needed. How do we do this? We involve him in everything! allow him to learn, don't be a controlling mother. I am so grateful for my two sisters who have prevented this in their marriages and for their wonderful example. Love your spouse, and remember a marriage isn't just the way of one person it is the way of three- You, Your Spouse and The Lord.

Do I love thee?

What is love? How do we know what love is? How do we love? How do we know if we are in love?

These are all questions that I have wondered in my life. I thought that I've always known what love really is.
There are many different types of love. Love between man and women, love between parent and child, love between friends

But i look at the love that everyone should have. The love that Christ has for us. This week made me think about how I should love others. Do i love everyone? or do i hold hatred to some? How would Christ love? He loved everyone. It didn't matter who he was or what they did to him, he still loved them.

As we get to know someone it is easier to find that love. Continue to build on relationships and strengthen them and you will find the love that you search for.

Who am I?

This week we talked about the roles of men and women and how we are different. As I pondered my subject question, who am I? I thought of all the things that make me, me. I am not the same as my roommates, my best friends, my family; I am individual. And so are you! Have you ever wondered what role you play in your life? Have you ever compared yourself to others? I know that I have. Comparing myself is a weakness that I've had my whole life but it is something that we can't do. We have all been given specific roles as human beings and we need to understand how our roles fit in with others. As we learn the roles we are to have in our lives we will be able to understand who we all are.

Family Cultures

So this week we learned about cultures in the family. Can I just say how interesting it was to learn about how different cultures affect the family.
So what does culture define: the beliefs and values of a group of certain people. Every country has a culture, as do people.
As I thought about my family culture there are many things that I have in my family that I would like to pass down to my children and there are some that I wouldn't like to keep.
Examples of a family culture: making sure your children get a good education, spending the holidays together, learning to work hard-so a good work ethic, loving everyone, etc. there are many things that i look at in my culture that i dont want to continue in my family is when we get together as a family we always end up complaining about something and then its hard to enjoy the time together. those are just a few examples of things that you may do as a family that make it a culture.
Any time a family separates the culture is lost. When i was 6 years old i had this happen to me. My sister was getting married. Now background of my sister and my relationship. we were pretty close. I loved spending time with her and when i was little i was too scared to sleep in my own bed so she would kindly let me share with her. when she got married i didn't have her to hang out with anymore. so I would call her and her husband at 6:30am to chat. She was gone, the culture that i had with her in my life wasn't there anymore.  Boundaries were changed. before we had a very diffused relationship one that looked like ---------. but when she got married she broke off from and it became more of a ______________ rigid relationship.

As i thought about how culture affects families, it effects them in all ways. Culture will always matter when it comes to family. Its who you are!